I should’ve done this earlier.

For years, I have tried to write down the story that needs to get out. Subconsciously, I was thinking too much about “being a writer” (and asking myself: is this how writers do it?) and “getting published” (and asking myself: is this what a publisher would like to see? Would an audience find this compelling? Should I publish under my own name or a pseudonym?).

I kept going back to my Word document, then Scrivener file, then LibreOffice doc, until my project became this big thing in my head. I gave myself deadlines and ignored them, paralyzed by the idea that I would eventually have to deliver.

I don’t want to overthink irrelevant questions. I just want to write. I want to flow, to create, to express. And this week, I realized that a blog suits me way better than the formal process of Writing A Book.

I want to write excerpts and publish them right away, on my own terms. I don’t want to make concessions, or give up any kind of freedom. I want to experience the mini rush of hitting the publish button, because I’m wired like that.

I don’t want to create for an audience, but I want my work to be visible for whoever stumbles upon it. I don’t want to feel bad about starting nearly every paragraph with “I”. It’s my blog, my personal and digital and maybe even sacred space. I also don’t feel any need to share my blog with friends or family – in fact, I’d prefer to be anonymous, so I can publish freely without wondering whether the things I write are consistent with the image that others have of me.

I’ve had several blogs since I was a child, and I’ve always loved the concept of writing on the go, sharing whatever is on my mind, rather than endlessly revisiting a draft and striving for perfection.

I want to live as an artist. To me, that entails creating art and sharing it without pursuing any goals in doing so, free from any judgement. I want to live creatively.

I’m ready to start.